Making a Physical Space for Difficult Conversations
This is a blog by Angie Kaye, a Senior Restorative Justice Facilitator for prisons in the Thames Valley area for 12 years.
“Peace is always right here. You just have to create a space for it.” – Carol Tuttle
What makes for a successful restorative meeting? There are many answers, but I’d like to focus on one that’s often not talked about: the physical space.
When I’m planning a face-to-face restorative meeting, I spend a lot of time thinking about the space and environment. Is it comfortable and quiet? Is it safe? Is it private? Often it’s in a prison setting and there are no other rooms available but a tired meeting room that has many other purposes, and even smells bad. The lighting is harsh, it’s noisy and there’s no daylight. At times it makes us feel we’re starting with a disadvantage.
I dream about setting up an international competition for architects to design a space or room for difficult conversations. The research would have to answer questions like: What shaped room is best? What materials? Is wood better than concrete? Is a round shaped room more equal and comforting? Is it true that views of nature are calming? What colours give clarity? How to create waiting areas to separate participants before they meet? Is it possible for a room to encourage empathy?
I would give an award to the best design and then get funds to build and put it to the test. I imagine this wonderful building smoothing the way in many difficult conversations and conflicts.
Dream on…
A Thought Out Space
To date there’s little research about how the space affects what happens in that room: RJ facilitators just know from experience that it’s very important. If the meeting is being held in a Community Centre or village hall, I try and visit the room beforehand. Sometimes I get a choice between two rooms: I will choose a room that is private, or I can make private by putting paper on a window, so no-one walking by can see in.
I will check that the chairs are the same, and comfortable. The chairs should be of equal height and style so that no one person dominates. I will want to move all the furniture out of the room, if it’s possible, leaving just the chairs in a circle. I put a lot of thought into adjusting the size of the circle. Is that too close for comfort? Is it too far apart to be able to hear or see people up close? Who has their back to the door? And who sits next to who? Who enters the room first, and what is the first thing or person they see?
I try and remove any clutter. The less distractions the better – it may help people focus on the matter in hand. Is there a break out room close by if needed? Sometimes people need to leave the conference space to collect themselves if they get stuck, or overwhelmingly emotional or angry. RJ isn’t a comfortable process! The break out room should feel like a safe space, and they shouldn’t be left alone.
Usually we seat the person harmed first, and only when they are settled do we bring in the offender. It’s important they don’t encounter each other before the meeting. This is often difficult to manage, especially in a prison setting. I remember vividly a case where John B lured Frank A to a beach with his friends. They gave him a severe beating for imagined disrespect. Frank died from his injuries and John was given a long sentence.
The RJ process took 18 months to arrange between Frank’s wife Alice and John. Often people bring supporters with them, and in this instance John’s father, Alice and her brother all came to the prison for the RJ meeting. Unfortunately they all met in the prison waiting security room, even though they had been given different times to attend. It was very awkward and potentially risky, as they sat together and worked out who was who. This nearly undermined the restorative conference before it had even begun…
Tea and Empathy
At the end of the meeting there is normally a shared tea for the participants. A light and comfortable space for refreshments that’s separate from the talking circle, really makes a difference. I like to bring a tablecloth, proper mugs, nice biscuits, tea, coffee, a sandwich if people have travelled from far away, and a candle to let the light into a dark, difficult place. (Not possible in a prison setting!) I do not want to be New-Agey, but the message, felt unconsciously by all, is one of care and celebration. These touches are very small things, but surprisingly important.
I once worked with a colleague who questioned my approach to the “tea”. He’d brought Styrofoam cups and cheap biscuits. He said to me, “Why does it matter?” I pointed out that if we show more thought and care for the participants – and the occasion – it’s more likely to be experienced (even unconsciously) as something special and significant.
It’s often during the “tea,” after the formal part of the RJ Conference, that the real change happens. People think it’s all over; they relax and talk more freely. I try not to interrupt this part of the process and keep away, letting them “work it out”. If people can share food together, they are well on the way to restoring the harm.
Above all we need to create an environment that demonstrates care, supports a safe and respectful conversation, and improves the chances of a successful outcome.
Back to my dream of creating the ideal space for difficult conversations… I found one study showing that hospital patients who had a view of a grove of trees healed quicker than those seeing a brick wall. While it may be too big a leap in thinking to apply this to RJ, the metaphor is appropriate: the space we create needs to support participants seeing beyond their own mental and emotional walls.