Marlee’s Story
Marlee was the first person in North America to get access through the courts to Restorative Justice for sexual violence, after being raped in 2016. The restorative process took her from feeling voiceless and disempowered after the court process, to feeling empowered, relieved and hopeful. This story is written in Marlee’s own words. Please note, this case was not conducted in the UK.
This story is not to be reproduced without the express permission of Why me?.
Can you tell us a bit about your life prior to the crime/restorative process?
Before experiencing sexual violence in 2016, I was studying social work, competing on my college dance team and living a typical life as a twenty-one-year old in Toronto, Canada. I was already passionate about challenging gender-based violence due to the ways that trauma had impacted the lives of my loved ones. However, I had never before heard of Restorative Justice or any other alternatives to the punitive system.
Are you comfortable telling us a bit about what led up to the Restorative Justice process?
After the rape, I went through the motions of what a victim is expected to do according to the dominant narrative. In my state of crisis, I literally resorted to Google and searched ‘what to do after being raped.’ This led me to to the hospital where I completed a rape kit and afterwards, a nurse presented me with a fixed choice: ‘report the crime or just go home.’ Notably, in Canada, only 6% of sexual assaults are reported to the police.* As I didn’t know about Restorative Justice or the realities of the criminal legal system, I ended up reporting to the police. In doing so, I entered a three-year process that would only prove to exacerbate trauma.
Struggling with panic attacks and suicidal ideation in the aftermath of trauma, I did my best to put the whole ‘justice thing’ on the back burner. Seventeen months after the rape, I was called to a preliminary trial. I found that every step of the punitive process recreated the powerlessness I felt during trauma. I felt dehumanized on the stand and disconnected from my right to consent, agency and boundaries. Losing faith in that system, I became desperate for a different pathway forward, one that would genuinely align with my needs. Luckily, my friend asked the question that would change everything for me, ‘What would justice look like to you?’. It was a pivotal inquiry that led me to the answer I’d been looking for all along: Restorative Justice.
When did you first hear about RJ? Had you been offered RJ at any point? Was it something you were aware of prior to wanting to take part yourself?
No one had offered me Restorative Justice. It wasn’t something we learned about in my Social Work degree nor was it something that was brought forward as I navigated the court system for nearly three years. I found it through my own effort, research and resolve. I deeply wish that a rape crisis centre, nurse, trauma counsellor, lawyer, prosecutor, victim advocate, educator or anyone really, had directed me towards this option.
Can you talk us through your experience of Restorative Justice – the preparation and the meeting itself?
After finding Restorative Justice, I felt immensely grateful for those who paved that path. I asked to meet with the prosecutors assigned to my case and pleaded my case for a Restorative Justice outcome. Specifically, I wanted my rapist in therapy, unpacking the personal and systemic factors that led him to justify this violence. The response was polarizing, but eventually, one courageous prosecutor went out on a limb to secure the Restorative outcome. It was the first time in North America that a sexual assault case concluded with Restorative Justice through the courts.
Being told that we’d move forward with this process was deeply meaningful. It was the first time since the assault that someone showed enough respect for my needs and boundaries to listen and act accordingly. My assailant underwent therapy for several months and we eventually met in a circle. Him, myself and our friends and family members who had felt the ripples of this trauma met with mediators who asked us just one question, “What brought you here today?”. According to Danielle Sered, founder of Common Justice, the most common justice needs for survivors tend to be: 1) Accountability, 2) Reassurance that the abuser won’t do this again and 3) A coherent narrative. For me, every single one of those needs was met throughout the circle. When my assailant looked me in the eyes, apologized and took accountability, it was like a knot untied in my stomach. I was able to let go of pain I didn’t even know I was carrying.
How did you feel after the RJ process?
It blew my mind that every single person walked away from the circle more transformed and healed. I was in awe of the closure I’d experienced and I truly hadn’t known that level of healing was possible. I thought about how I felt after court (small, voiceless, disempowered) in contrast to how I felt after the circle (empowered, relieved, hopeful). The experience was night and day. I grew passionate about making sure that every survivor knows about this option and has access to it if they resonate with it. I shared my story with the media and immediately, my inbox was flooded with thousands of messages from survivors around the world. The sentiment echoed again and again was, “I wish I knew about this.” Those declarations from other survivors have been the fuel for me in sharing this story and advocating for survivor-centered approaches to justice over the past several years. I’ve been grateful to deliver talks and trainings on this topic for judges, law enforcement, government, military, victim advocates, sexual assault nurse examiners, trauma counsellors, academic institutions, police officers and more. I sincerely hope for a world where we bridge healing with justice and truly listen to what survivors need in order to reclaim our voices and sense of peace after trauma.
Thank you to the amazing team at Why me? for doing this work and for advocating for Restorative Justice as an addition to the criminal legal system.
To learn more about my work and advocacy, visit www.marleeliss.com or follow me on social media at https://instagram.com/marleeliss.