Honouring 25 years of peacebuilding
This is a blog by Why me? Patron Jo Berry CBE. As well as a Patron of Why me?, Jo is a speaker, peacebuilder and founder of Building Bridges for Peace.
On the 22nd of November, twenty-five years ago, I made a journey from North Wales to Dublin that would change my life – again.
A friend in Dublin had called that morning. She told me she had met Patrick Magee, and that he could come to her house at 7pm to meet me. Patrick Magee – the former IRA member who planted the bomb in Brighton in 1984, the bomb that killed my father and four others.
I wasn’t looking for an apology or even understanding. I needed to see him – the human being behind the act. The conflict in Northern Ireland had stripped away humanity on all sides. Demonisation had become the norm. I wanted to build a bridge that might help me reclaim what had been taken from me.
So, I set out alone, carrying both fear and determination. On the ferry from Holyhead to Dublin, anxiety gripped me, yet beneath it was a quiet certainty: this was something I had to do for my healing.
When we finally met, it was just the two of us on a small sofa in the back room of a house. Strange thoughts ran through my mind: ‘You don’t look like someone who would kill’ and ‘You are betraying your father by being here’. But I stayed, because I needed to see him as a person.
I asked questions. I listened. I shared a poem I had written for him. He began with political justifications – explanations I had heard before. But as I continued to listen, he began talking about being 18 in Belfast, the violence he had witnessed, and his family. He spoke from a collective “we”: We were oppressed. We had to defend our communities.
As he described what he had seen at 18, I realised he was someone shaped by trauma and conflict. He was no longer the faceless perpetrator I had carried in my mind. Still, hearing him justify the bombing was painful, and I started preparing to leave, feeling I had taken what I needed.
Then something shifted. He said he no longer knew who he was. He said he wanted to hear my anger – my rage. He had never met anyone as open as me. In that moment he took the political hat off and became vulnerable. I stayed, sensing this was different. The conversation deepened; he asked about my dad. He began to realise he had not killed a legitimate target, but a man with a family and a soul. He saw that he had dehumanised the “other” in the same way he felt dehumanised. He recognised that being in the IRA had cost him part of his humanity. Later, he said he was disarmed by my empathy.
25 years later, Patrick and I are still working together. We have become friends, spoken together around the world, and next year a documentary about our story will premiere. What began as a private act of healing has become a platform for peacebuilding, dialogue, and transformation.
I am grateful for his courage to continue meeting me, despite how challenging it can be. Through our conversations, I have learned things about communication, listening, and humanity I could not have learned any other way. Meeting him helped me heal in ways I never imagined.
The Next Ten Years
The next decade of my life is dedicated to deepening that impact – helping build a restorative world where we challenge without blame or shame, listen with empathy, and honour our shared humanity.
I am humbled to become a Patron of Why me?. Their work ensures that victims know they have the right to access Restorative Justice and be supported by skilled, empathic facilitators. Too often, victims are left feeling powerless or unheard; restorative processes can empower them and give them a voice.
As a Patron, I will use my story to advocate for the transformational power of Restorative Justice. Restorative Justice creates spaces where harm can be healed, and humanity can be rediscovered. And when we restore humanity on all sides, we do more than heal individuals – we help build a more compassionate, courageous, and connected world.
